Where do you live? …mostly in my head.
posted in horrors by catherine“You don’t appreciate the chaos and absurdity of life on this planet. You don’t understand irony, or ethnicity, or eccentricity, or poetry, or the simple joy of being a regular at the diner on your block. I love that. You don’t drink coffee or alcohol. You don’t over eat. You don’t cry when you’re alone. You don’t understand sarcasm. You plod through life in a neat, colorless, caffeine free, dairy free, conflict free way. I’m bold and angry and tortured and tremendous and I notice when someone has changed their hair part, or when someone is wearing two very distinctly different shades of black or when someone changes the natural temperament of their voice on the phone. I don’t give out empty praise. I’m not complacent or well-adjusted. I can’t spend fifteen minutes breathing and stretching and getting in touch with myself. I can’t spend three minutes finishing an article. I check my answering machine nine times every day and I can’t sleep at night because I feel that there is so much to do and fix and change in the world, and I wonder every day if I am making a difference and if I will ever express the greatness within me, or if I will remain forever paralyzed by muddled madness inside my head. I’ve wept on every birthday I’ve ever had because life is huge and fleeting and I hate certain people and certain shoes and I feel that life is terribly unfair and sometimes beautiful and wonderful and extraordinary but also numbing and horrifying and insurmountable and I hate myself a lot of the time. The rest of the time I adore myself and I adore my life in this city and in this world we live in. This huge and wondrous, bewildering, brilliant, horrible world.”
Some writer’s just nail it. The insanity and perplexity, the constant wishy-washy crap that fills up our everyday lives. The hate, the love, the drowning in… it, whatever the hell it is.
So, in lifeness lately – spring sprung, Lucy’s crazy, and my squirrel still lacks a tail. Luis the Fish went belly up and holds a dried out dandelion under one fin. Dresses are really short this season. My tiny profile picture makes me seem dark and creepy. I am dark and creepy.
Looking at the code behind my .txt-ness and I wonder if this is good enough or… is it time for another change?
bewildering, brilliant, horrible world
I don’t believe there’s just one person. I think there are, like, seven.
taurus
You may be unusually light-hearted today and yet others still might think you’re being too serious. How do they know you have a feeling in the pit of your stomach that tells you that everything isn’t as perfect as it appears? There’s really no need to hide your uneasiness; sharing your concerns with a trusted friend could help.
cancer
You may want to do something memorable with your friends today, and you could gain a lot by going out and getting wild. Just make sure that you are with people you trust before letting go of your regular inhibitions. Giving yourself permission to go beyond your usual limits can open up the possibilities for pleasure as long as you don’t take it too far.
libra
Even if you aren’t always emotionally expressive, you are sincerely interested in the well-being of everyone in your life. Today, however, your feelings can be transformed into little actions, which clearly demonstrate what’s in your heart. Let the love shine through in all that you do for others.
sagittarius
You may have misjudged the amount of time it would take you to do something at work, which leads you to having less time available for leisure activities. Your ruling planet Jupiter is accentuated by intelligent Mercury, but it still can be hard to convey your ideas concisely. The Mercury-Jupiter combo allows you to be at your best when you just dream out loud, instead of trying to sound like an authority.
pisces
You are probably feeling quite buoyant today, even though you know exactly what’s happening — and it isn’t all pretty. Although you may have the whole story, you must be careful about changing the facts to meet your needs. Don’t try to mislead anyone; it’s better to speak the truth as you see it than speaking it as you wish to see it. Honesty is the only sensible policy.
Early horrors for an early morning. Left my keys in the door last night. Think I preferred it when I left them in the freezer…