“You don’t appreciate the chaos and absurdity of life on this planet. You don’t understand irony, or ethnicity, or eccentricity, or poetry, or the simple joy of being a regular at the diner on your block. I love that. You don’t drink coffee or alcohol. You don’t over eat. You don’t cry when you’re alone. [...]
“but I don’t know if I have the right engines. When I was a young man and I was tempted to write porn, imaginary parents would appear over my shoulder and read what I was writing; just about the point that I managed to banish the imaginary parents, real children would lean over my shoulder [...]
‘i must have been asleep for days and moving lips to breathe her name… i opened up my eyes and found myself alone, alone… alone above a raging sea that stole the only girl i loved and drowned her deep inside of me.’ The quiet ringing inside my head, ‘you know, you know, you know, [...]
50/50 chance… You’re probably wondering how a girl like me arrived here, at the arse end of the Nevada desert with a blood-spattered Winnebago and a one-armed man. So I was talking to this 7 year old the other day. She was making a blue whale resembling a penis with testicals while I made a [...]
“Oh don’t be ridiculous. Martha Stewart isn’t a demon. She’s a witch…” “Please, she – uh, really?” “Of course. Nobody could do that much découpage without calling on the powers of darkness.” Some random horror told me this last week: Your feelings are fine and pure now, and at the same time you will want [...]
“Look, I made my own kite! *holds up his kite, which reads ‘I AM AN’ followed by many photocopies of a butt* I am an ass. Yes, that is my own ass and the people at Kinko’s weren’t too happy, but that’s nothing a little Windex won’t take care of, right?” Right. Windex solves a [...]
What do they all have in common? …middle name. horrors below. venting up top: So, they permanently removed my youtubing. That’s alright. Goosefraba, eh? Goooosefraba. There are more important things to get pissed over these days. Wish I had something comforting to write that might help ease the anxiety and sadness for NIU friends. Just [...]
“I’m going to tell you a story, not my story, that’s later, this is just a story… Ready? Once upon a time, or more specifically at the dawn of time, god, lower case “g”, was getting busy with creation, as the kids these days are saying. He gave Toad a clay jar and said, “Be [...]
‘I excel at not giving a shit. Experience has taught me that interest begets expectation, and expectation begets disappointment, so the key to avoiding disappointment is to avoid interest. A equals B equals C Equals A, or whatever. I also don’t have a lot of interest in being a good person or a bad person. [...]