she was always dreaming and thinking odd things and could not herself remember any time when she had not been thinking things about grown-up people and the world they belonged to. she felt as if she had lived a long, long time.

Spring is officially in full force. The trees, they are a bloomin’, and my allergies, they are a reactin’… Wish it were this colorful here all the time. Makes it seem like we live in a weird, overgrown wonderland where up ↑ is down ↓ and down ↓ is left ← and left ← is backwards §.

In the wake of healing brokenness, I find myself extremely distracted by a brain that goes in circles on the same highly fueled subject. UHG.

Yes, uhg is a highly fueled subject. And that song, Brass In Pocket, is really stuck in my head. Gunna make you, make you, make you no-o-tice. Nothing special’s been happenin’, just work and x-files and cleaning and taxes, all with the undertones of uhg lately but with time… hoping that’ll change.

Oh. And my car has been recalled for suspension problems. But for some reason they want to check my car at the dealership we bought it from… which just so happens to be hundreds of miles away. So once things are settled here a little better, I’ll try to find some time to get up to IL and pray to some car deity that the suspension is fine, or at least fine enough for another big trip.

You can pray too, even if you’re not all that spiritual. Really, I don’t mind. Not at all O_O;

I’ve zig-zagged all over America and I cannot find a safety haven, say – would you let me cry, on your shoulder?  I’ve heard that you’ll try anything twice.  Close your eyes.

Was wondering where I picked up that phrase.

EDIT:  SPIDER CRICKET SIGHTING. Small one, in the bathroom, on my dirty jeans. No. No. No.  I grabbed a shoe and squished it to death.  If they’re back, if they’ve found me again… I will show no mercy this time. Not this time, not this place!

things aren’t always so black and white, or so they say. sometimes things are ink blotty and bleeding through the edges.

the people that surround us, whether they be friends or strangers, pose as reflections – a way to see ourselves mirrored, or projected. helps us improve or grow or move on to become. just become. what happens to a recluse though? i’m guessing… they just become an echo of their former selves.

I don’t really wanna be an echo. I just wanna draw it.

I had a dream, no, a nightmare, about buying eggs and milk and then having no place to put them in my fridge. Not entirely sure what that means, but I’ve had lots of nightmares lately, and not nearly enough sleep. You know the dreams you get while you’re sick? All distorted, weirdly colored, and jumbly with the what and the huh? Yeah, well, those have been my dreams. My baddy bad bad dreams.

But, in spite of said dreams and the lack of really good sleep, I chant over and over that t’morrow t’will be t’werrific.

Maybe the eggs and the milk will fit…

*waves*

… hi. heh.

So, I decided back in April that it was time for a move. Where to? Anywhere but this apartment.  The workplace would like to keep me nearby so I’ve been checking out local areas but so far, no luck finding a worthwhile living space.

Are bay windows, hardwood floors, and a giant tub really so rare?  Who knew… Anyway, I’ve spent the last few weeks packing things up, cleaning, and battling now-exposed spider cricket hideouts.  I would almost miss the little alien buggers if they didn’t eat through everything I own.

Ah well, wherever I end up, let’s just hope it’s… clean.

Once upon a while ago, Catherine sketched a portrait of her niece… and it didn’t turn out half bad all things considered.  I was able to capture her personality a bit, but she’s way prettier than this.  Oye.  I’m in desperate need of some major practice because the lack of drawing lately is showing through in a major way.

Something else that’s new here: Category – Obsessions -> Not really obsessions, just a new plugin to play with.  Basically feeding my Hype Machine listening history and what they call “obsessions” (most listened-to tracks) into that category with quotes from the original source.

I need new musics, there’s just never enough =(

Don’t get the wrong idea, it’s not about love. It never is. For the first time in a loooong time, I am sick. I am coughing and hacking and blehing and watching ridiculously beautiful cinematographic movie drab. Can’t sleep, can’t eat. Can’t hardly stand it. *sips really effing hot tea* But that’s what you get for not bringing a coat. And today, the day I really have no voice, we have a meeting on the other side of the moon with some very silly people about even sillier things.

On the plus side, being sick along with the icy weather has kept me inside and bored, meaning outside of ridiculous, beautiful, drab movies… I’m also cleaning. Cleaning for the move. Whenever that may be. And I’ve come to the conclusion that I have too much stuff.

Wanna toss it and start again.

horror cookies
real fortunes from real cookies on my really messy desk.

taurus
Every person is the architect of his own future.
lucky numbers: 5, 11, 12, 21, 29, 44

cancer
Never set the tiger free if you live in the mountain.
lucky numbers: 32, 36, 4, 40, 7, 37

libra
If you wish good advice, consult your mother.
lucky numbers: 7, 10, 11, 13, 24, 39

sagittarius
Your artistic talents win the approval and applause of others.
lucky numbers: 3, 8, 10, 11, 12, 29,

And my all time favorite, belonging to no one in particular:
Promote literacy. Buy a box of fortune cookies today.

(blurry, but you get the gist)

Ready for some randomness? Rhetorical:

Some people are just really terrible at being alone. Henna smells effing weird and can turn your hair green. Vodka is my friend, one of those really ornery asshole-like friends. I accidentally made a client’s website disappear from Google for a week. That was fun. I’m going to be a goddess for Halloween and chuck Zeus’s thunderbolt candies at kiddies. Toga? Mini-Mighty-Spider is living on top of my monitor, he’s hella cute… think I’ll call him George. My back hurts like a pregnant woman giving birth to a spiky demon. I want the rest of this year to be over with so no one has to deal with holiday madness. Oh yeah, yesterday, the weirdo stray cat living on our porch got into a hissing fight with some neighbor’s gato. For about 40 minutes all they did was hiss and growl and jut their tails back and forth. Neither would budge, most annoying crap ever. Broke another string on that damn guitar and this time it split my finger open, sonofahblah.

It makes typing really killer. And to top off finger pain, and you know why that’s already bad enough right (?), Catherine’s heart is still a little broken. Like, it’s sparky things are misfiring all over the place. Stupid heart. We really need to find a replacement for it.

horrors with a bite
vampires are not supposed to say “uh oh”

taurus
You don’t need to spend a lot of time planning today because your friends will come through with the necessary details — even if it’s at the last moment. You have something important to learn about relationships now, and the only way you’ll get to the core of your current lesson is by remaining open to how others express their love to you.

cancer
It’s time for you to get moving. You’ve had a few days to process your feelings and think about what’s ahead, but now you cannot put off the inevitable. Instead of waiting for the perfect moment, take the first steps toward your predetermined goal. It may take you a while to get there, so don’t delay any longer.

libra
Even if you’re thinking about your long-term goals, the Sun’s entry into your 2nd House of Basic Values may transform your core beliefs in a way that you can now share with others. Once you are feeling better about yourself, you should be able to increase your income by just showing up and doing your job with a positive attitude.

sagittarius
The Sun’s entry into your 12th House of Imagination may stimulate your fantasies over the weeks ahead, yet manifesting these dreams poses a higher degree of difficulty. Oddly enough, focusing too much on making anything happen can actually delay it now. You’ll need to discover the right amount of force to apply to any situation. Remember, though, these answers come from within.

Kinda ironically, that line sums up my thought-process with such clarity that it nearly floors me every time I read it. Granted, I first read it forever and a day ago and many times since but still… you know? Amazing.

Weeks without horrors, weeks without writing anything for anyone. Can’t seem to focus, though craving distractions, not much has changed really. Things haven’t gone to hell completely, just the same ol’ same ol’…

But having been quiet for a bit, there was time to think things over and I think, think, I’m ready to give up now. Imagine that? Bad habits are stupid, kiddos. Like, really bad. The way I figure it is – wait, let’s get this over with first:

horrors for the road
step on a crack break your mother’s back

taurus
You may have a change of heart today and tell others exactly how you feel, but your words can hide your true intentions rather than express them. You’ll need to pay extra attention to how someone might misinterpret your disclosure, for the meaning could get lost in your current idealism. Remember, not everyone wants to get bogged down in your internal process.

cancer
It’s a rather strange day and it may be hard to see where events are leading. It’s as if you are living in one world while existing in a different one in your imagination. The inner and the outer may even seem to be at odds with one another. Although you might feel discombobulated at first, the outcome of your current activities will likely turn out okay.

libra
It’s a perfect day to lose yourself in a romantic fantasy or to tap the creative wellsprings of your subconscious mind. Although you might have a lovely time in your imagination, it could also manifest in the real world. Nevertheless, don’t be hard on yourself if reality doesn’t live up to the idyllic wonders of your inspiration. Find little ways to incorporate your dreams into your daily life.

sagittarius
Today’s fiery Aries Full Moon activates your playful 5th House, inspiring you to seek pleasure instead of fulfilling your responsibilities. Although you might be able to get away with your penchant for fun, don’t overdo it or there could be a price to pay later. Instead of escaping your obligations, change your attitude so you can enjoy yourself no matter what you are doing.

The way I figure it is this -> if you’re all shades of heartache and that ache doesn’t inspire anything extraordinary, then it might be best to move on to something else. Yep.